"part of knowing where i'm going is knowing where i'm coming from"

I've never really thought about blogging. mostly because i dont think that anything i have to say would be worth reading, but maybe it will be a good way to get everything out without forcing it on my friends. so here it goes:

Life has been really different these days. and by these days i mean the last 5 months. if you asked me a year ago where i thought id be today, there is no way in hell i would have guessed i'd be here. in atlanta. living with natalie and a cat. and perhaps the most shocking thing- working at a bank! but if you asked me a year ago if i was happy, i would have said no. well, i probably would have said yes- but thats because i didnt know REAL happy. ask me today and youll get a completely different answer. i am happier than ive ever been. i love my job, i love my apartment, i love this city and yes- i even love this cat. now, dont get me wrong, there are SERIOUS hard times. the first 3 months were definitely some of the most trying times in my life. i felt everything from nervous, anxious, excited, elated, sad, lonely, depressed and maybe even insane at times. its weird though, as much as i miss my family, friends, home, church and even college; ive never felt like i made the wrong decision. i 100 percent believe that God puts opportunities, people and things in your life for a reason.

 I decided to move on a whim, yes- i'd lived with natalie for 8 weeks during an internship, but by no means did i know her. i didnt know if we would mesh well, i didnt know if she was a huge slob (or even worse, a clean freak), i didnt know if she would judge me for all of the things ive done, or maybe she would turn out to be one of the greatest roommates i've had. thank God it turned out to be the latter. we are not the same people. in fact, sometimes i think we couldnt be MORE opposite-- but thats why i think we work. she has strong opinions (as do i) but we both respect the others'. it works. she does the dishes (which i loathe) and she doesnt mind that i leave shoes all over the living room (at least, i hope not). I admire natalie in more ways than even i realize. shes smart and super funny, i am envious of her talent (mostly because she can sing, but because she can write as well as any author ive read), and most importantly shes ambitious. that girl decided she wanted to go to law school because she liked Law and Order a lot. DAMN. i didnt even CONSIDER med school, and Greys Anatomy is my favorite show!  --- so now that it sounds like im in love with her.. ill move on

i mentioned earlier that the first 3 months of being in the peach state were the hardest. it gets better every day, and to quote the great Sara Evans "even on my weakest days, i get a little bit stronger". i know that the loneliness i felt got me in touch with who i REALLY am. i can confidently say that i know me. i know i can do it on my own. i learned i am independent and strong and i even learned my biggest weaknesses. i know where i am going now, but am constantly reminded, that i couldnt have done it without knowing where i came from. When i told my mom i was thinking about moving to Atlanta, i thought shed give the standard "ok, whatever makes you happy" speech. i was right. only this time, i listened to her. My mom has always been supportive in whatever decision me or brent have made, and shes very good at not rubbing it in your face if it was just one of those "ill pretend i want to do something, but not actually do it" things.

what made me realize that it WAS the right decision? the phone call with my dad. my dad isnt someone i usually go to for life changing advice (finances- yes. insurance- yes. work out regimes- yes. i want to start all over moments- not normally.) but this time, i thought if i was really going to do this i wanted EVERYONE to be in my cheering section. and thankfully, he was. my dad told me that this was the time to do whirlwind things. this was the time to pack up and move, start all over with new friends, and do something i could look back on and think "hell yea, i did that". and if i fail at it, thats ok. ill find something new that i want to try.

every morning when i wake up to the hustle and bustle of atlanta (ok, i live in the burbs.) i think "hell yea, i did that!" im more proud of myself that ive ever been. and i owe every bit of it to my cheering section.

---i will say, though, i dont think i wouldve lasted one more month without a friend. that constant connection with "home", someone who already knows my past, someone i already have inside jokes and funny memories with. thank you Jesus for bringing Jess to atlanta. im not sure i couldve held up that "im super strong and can do it all on my own" act any longer. :)

i cant promise this blog will always be entertaining, but i'll try. who am i kidding, no one reads these things anyway.