lease-end

what a difference a year makes. 
most people recap their year around January 1st. however, still stuck in college mode (will i ever grow up?)
 i recap mine at lease-end and on this very day last year i was cleaning out my old apartment,
 saying goodbye to Natalie for good and hello to Buckhead, my new stomping grounds.

I was getting ready to leave for hawaii

and little did I know, but i was about to endure one of the roughest times in my life.

but the good news is that, in the last year, i made some of the best friends i couldve asked for

i spent a lot of time with my family. even though its never enough.

i had some pretty insignificant relationships, and the most significant one thus far.

i learned a lot in a year's time.

ive learned that i can get through anything

i learned that there is no better person in this world than my mom

and I learned that with my faith in God, and my mom's faith in me.. anything is possible

in the next year
i will try my hardest to spend even more time with family.
i with strengthen not only my relationship with friends and with God, but with myself.
i will put more energy in to being a positive influence on the world.

who knows what the next year will bring, but i do know that im excited for it- whatever it is.

xoxo.

seventy.

This means nothing to y'all.. and EVERYTHING to me.  I have

days until i am lounging on these beaches:





and snorkeling in this bay

and shopping in this district

enjoying the most amazing climate in the heart of paradise.

 

70 days until i am on a plane to Honolulu, Oahu HI

72 days until i am on a plane (if you can call it that) to Maui, HI

76 days until i am on that same small plane back to Honolulu

& 80 days until i am on a plane back to the A, starting the countdown for my next vacation.

My dad lives in Japan, and it is oh so convenient that halfway for us to meet is in Hawaii. I've never been to another tropical island, so as far as I'm concerned Hawaii is the creme de la creme.

the perfect temperatures, combined with the mountain mist that seems to fall just as youre getting too hot.

the soft sand and green/blue waters

the smell. oh that smell. the second you walk off of the airplane (on the tarmac) you get an instant whiff of citrusy,floraly,salty,misty amazingness.

thats right. it is paradise. and i will be there in 70 days.

final warning.

alright, here it is.  your final warning.  if any of you think i am kidding, you don't know me at all.

tonight starts the Bachelorette.  which to any one else may just be a show, but to me it is life.  i eat/sleep/breathe all things Bachelor/Ette/Pad. And this season is extraordinarily special to me.  Because it's Emily's season.  and, well, to say I want to be her would be an understatement. 

 i have watched this show, every. single. episode. of it since its creation where I fell in love with Trista.  I have witnessed Bob's promiscuity. i watched countless girls have anxiety attacks after night 1. I despised Trish but fell in love with her "Golddigger: like a hooker, only smarter" t-shirt.

i commended Brad for not choosing either girl if he didn't feel it. I was disgusted to find out that Byron the fisherman was abusive towards Mary, until i found out she was a raging alcoholic.

Still to this day i watch the Drs so that I can get a glimpse of Dr. Travis Stork again.

 i yelled at Deanna for choosing ugly snowboarder Jesse; i screamed even louder when Jake chose Vienna over sweet sweet Tenley but then celebrated when Kiptyn and Tenley became "KipTen". i loved Michael and his breakdancing skills, but understood why Jillian had to let him go. I could've killed Jason for humiliating Melissa on live tv and flip flopping back to Molly.  i laughed at Michelle Money's flying monkey comments. i called JP winning from night one with the cupcake conversation and yawned all the way through Ben's season. I contemplated going to Charleston this past weekend to see if i could get a glimpse of Peyton and Chris' wedding. I made my roommate drive to Cumming, GA to eat at Giorgio's (Constantine's family restaurant) when Mickey and Ben were in town visiting. ($72 dollars for a plated meal and 2 pictures later, Ben gave me his card with his number on it.  I never called, out of fear of rejection, im sure.  what was i thinking, i cant STAND ben!).

one might say i'm obssesed. i prefer passionate.

So what is it that I am warning you of, you ask? if one single jackass of a person ruins this season for me, i will do things so inhumane to them. The past couple of seasons people have found a way to finagle their annoying spoilers in to my life.  via facebook status, tweets, buying the gossip magazine and plopping it on my coffee table and *the worst!!* last year- my roommate flat out telling me because she didnt want to be the only one it was ruined for.  so i'm warning you. once and for all. if so much as one person tells me even a HINT of who wins this season, i'm cutting you out of my life.  thats right: de-friended, unfollowed, univited to be in my presence.  just because you want to know, please--  i beg you Dear God, do NOT ruin this for me.  as a very recent breakup has caused me to venture back in to my singledom, its the only thing i live for on monday nights.

consider yourself warned.

xoxo

fake it till you make it.

maybe its true, maybe you really can "fake it till you make it".  maybe you can tell yourself, over and over and over, that you feel a certain way until it just becomes reality.  Playing pretend isn't just for children anymore, apparently.  You want something so badly you can taste, feel, hear, smell it.  You convince yourself that whatever it is, its really happening.  You lie to yourself consistently until you believe your own tales.

I guess this could work in your favor, but i think that eventually it will come to bite you in the ass.  that feeling that you forced, the person you made yourself become, it will eat away at you until you have to face the facts.  the cold hard truth.  and at that point, it may be too late. you may have made others believe your lies too. so what started out as a strong desire for something you didnt have, now turned in to deceit. and nobody likes a fraud.

moral of the story- be honest. to everyone, but especially to yourself.

in the end...

things end.  its inevitable.  everything has an end to it, eventually.  as bad as it hurts, i'm learning that you just have to push on until things feel better again.  it will never be the same, i will forever be changed, but i am better because of it.  whatever it is, God would not put it in my life if he didn't think i could handle it. i can handle this. i will be ok, i will be strong, i will live.  heartbreak, while it feels like it will, wont kill me. 

and chances are, this isn't the last time i'll feel this way. its these moments who make us who we are.

its our choice on how we handle the pain. you can give in to it, or grow from it.

ive learned that God doesnt follow the plan you have for yourself, he has his own in mind.. so, roll with the punches

so when life punches you, knocks you around, gives you a big blow to the chest, causes you excruciating pain and makes you want to die:

and remember:

Because, life is not over.  it will go on, and there are new beginnings to every end.

what time?

its official. i have zero time for myself anymore.  seems like as the days/weeks go by i get busier and busier and before you know it ill be staying up for 23 hours straight just to get everything done!

with a full time job consuming 8 hours of my day; a total of an hour commute to get to and from said full time job; spending an appropriate amount of time with my new found boyfriend (yes i said boyfriend. i know you've just had a heart attack. as did i when i said it for the first time this past weekend); taking care of my kitty and megan's pup when she's out of town and squeezing in my friends every chance i get; i have lost complete control.

i am sleeping on top of clean clothes (piled on my bed, of course), walking on top of dirty ones (piled on my floor) and living out of my vera bradley luggage. i havent done laundry in approximately 3 weeks. i have resorted to buying new clothes when i go to D's house so that i dont have to stress about packing outfits for an entire weekend (thank God for an adorable boutique downstairs from his condo!). i have rationed myself down to one towel after i shower, instead of my normal 2 (hair & body) so that i dont run out before i get a chance to wash some. i havent been to the gym in 3 weeks, and my stomach and thighs are living proof of that. my hair hasn't seen a curling iron in over a month, because when i get up in the mornings i am too exhausted to care. i have been out of my favorite face powder for days but havent had time to go by the mall. poor violet has spent so many nights alone in the recent weeks that she is starting to feel abandoned.

last night was spent running around like a headless chicken trying to get birthday gifts together, tonight i have the boyfriend's birthday dinner, tomorrow will be spent getting a spray tan and my nails done, and friday i have the boyfriends birthday celebration (youd think he was a 24 year old girl instead of a 33 year old man). 

saturday will be spent reminiscing St Patricks Day 2k9 in Savannah. the time of my life with all of my best friends from college. OLAY OLAYYY OLAY OLAYYYY. i miss you all terribly and wish we were roaming river street making friends and making out. id give anything to be in a cheap hotel room filled with 7 people and cold water showers.  just call me mr. leprachaun, i can make your sham rock.

you should know..

i got the following from a blog i follow Run With Me.  I am fairly certain that Ashley and I could be great friends in real life.  Mostly because we are both celebrity and fashion obsessed, former South Carolinians, gamecock fans and present day Atlantans.  One slight difference, she likes to run.  and well, working out for me is a straight up CHORE. either way, i figured i'd play along with her little survey, and then added 11 random facts about me. you should too :)

1.       Which Website do you visit the most?

i look at the Horry County Mugshot Gallery every day at work.  its a ritual. the best days are the ones where i find people i know on there.

2.       If you couldn't shave your legs or wax your eyebrows for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

id go without waxing my eyebrows, you can always pluck :) (see what i did there, tricky!)

 

3.       Name a talent you have

i have an incredible memory when it comes to song lyrics

 

4.       If you could meet one person, living or dead, who would it be?

my mom's aunt diane. from what i hear she was a remarkable person.

 

5.       If you had to go on a reality TV or game show, which one would you choose?

obviously the bachelor or bachelor pad (see random fact #1 below)

 

6.       If you were president, what's one law you would make?

everyone has to mind their own business. and we would have a national 2 week holiday every summer like China does. ok thats 2, but who cares :)

 

7.       What's your favorite smell? 

my blankie. it smells like comfort and familiarity which are 2 of the best feelings in the world.

 

8.       You have a spicy piece of gossip,  who's the first person you tell? 

my mom!

 

9.       What's your favorite thing about yourself?

physically- my boobs. i happen to think they are fabulous (thought could be bigger).

 

10.  what's your favorite holiday?

my birthday! what, you dont consider that a holiday? fine- Mardi Gras

 

11. What did you want to be when you grew up?

a stay at home mom. i got a minus (-) on my essay in the 3rd grade about how i wanted to be a mom when i grew up.  Ms. Buck was just bitter because she was 35 and single with no kids yet.

11 random things about me that you should know: 

• i am overly obsessed with the bachelor.  if you follow me on twitter you already know this; but if you don't, now you do.  i am certain that i belong on that show.  i dont necessarily believe in the "you can find love on a reality show" premise, but i definitely believe in the "you can have a great time, travel the world, meet a hot guy (minus Ben Flajnik), make best friends, and attend raging Bachelor family reunions." idea.  plus i'd like the be on Bachelor Pad.  i'd be phenomenal at playing the manipulative twisty mind games.

on my bday last year. met Mickey, Constantine and Ben.

• im addicted to diet coke.  like wake up with one every morning, drink with every meal and go to bed with it on my nightstand kind of addicted.  if it truly does cause cancer, im screwed.

not even possible to love something more

• i draw my eyebrows on. more like fill them in with a pencil and a powder, but i feel naked without them.

• i love gaudy gold jewelry.  i am so in love with the fact that "arm parties" are trendy right now because im obsessed. you'll rarely see me without my watch and bangles stacked on my left arm.  also layering necklaces and anything heavy and over the top looking.

• i was a size 4T until first grade.  id give up anything to be extremely petite again. besides my boobs of course.
• drama surrounds me in life. thank goodness its usually not directly connected to me, but my friends love to come to me with theirs.
• i write letters.  i got this from my mom, but ever since i was younger i've written letters to people and never given them. sometimes is about things that are bothering me or have upset me, sometimes its all good things.  some of them are stashed away but most of them eventually get thrown out.
• i went to see a psychic this past weekend. got my tarot cards read.  $45 and 30 minutes later i learned nothing new about myself excpet that all of my "distrust and negative engergy towards men" can be treated with a low-cost $150 spiritual healing session.  it was fun, never the less.

• there are few men in this world that i find sexier than Blake Shelton. i've always been a fan, but watching him on the voice made me fall in love

• i have 2 tattoos.  a violet on my right hip and "celebrate life" on my left. i could go without the violet, but i dont hate it.  however, i adore my celebrate life.  it represents so much to me.

and because i'm not in a creative mood and im running out of procrastinating time at work, i'll keep the questions the same as Ashley. why fix something that's not broken?

1.       Which Website do you visit the most? I mean, besides this one obviously? ;)

2.       If you couldn't shave your legs or wax your eyebrows for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

3.       Name a talent you have

4.       If you could meet one person, living or dead, who would it be?

5.       If you had to go on a reality TV or game show, which one would you choose?

6.       If you were president, what's one law you would make?

7.       What's your favorite smell? 

8.       You have a spicy piece of gossip,  who's the first person you tell? 

9.       What's your favorite thing about yourself?

10.  what's your favorite holiday?

11. What did you want to be when you grew up?