that room.

last night was the very last night that

i will ever spend in my bedroom.

and this morning was the very last morning that

i will ever wake up there

the same room that I have slept in for two years,

which is the longest I have lived in a single house

since I was in Middle School.

growing up in a military family,

living with a single mom

and then venturing to college;

moving came second nature to me.

that room, and that bed, have seen their fair share of life

that room is the place that i go to shut the rest of the world out.

i turn off the lights, close the door, turn the tv and my phone off and just be.

it is one of my favorite places to just be; in that bed, in that room.

that room started out purple, silver and white

but after a breakup and a strong desire to recreate my life

it was upgraded to mint, coral and grey. with fancy pillows to match.

the grey walls keep it dark,

but the huge window is perfect for catnapping in the sunlight

(both violet and i's fave past time)

it gets extremely hot in that room every summer

but its the perfect place to bundle up in the winter

that room is where Violet and I snuggle together,

and, when i'm very lucky, where Charles and I snuggle too.

which is not very often; as explained in my last post.

that room has a closet that has fallen multiple times

in part due to the unruly amount of clothing that i own.

it also holds my very first piece of furniture that I bought myself

check that off of the 30 before 30 list!

my mom has spent weekends with me in that room,

comforting me through some of my life's hardest times.

my boyfriend has spent weekends with me there,

and filled it with constant laughter and excitement

my friends have stayed, after some incoherent nights

and sometimes they've stayed because they needed comforting too.

that room was a good room

i will really miss that room

but today starts a new adventure,

in a new house with a new room.

(hopefully the same bed, the good Lord willing it will fit!)

Charles will be here in a few short hours to help me move,

(worlds best boyfriend aware goes to...)

i wish i could say that this weekend would be filled with

Memorial Day celebrations, hooch shooting and cookouts,

but unfortunately it will just be spent transporting furniture.

which doesnt sound like any fun at all,

but at least its an excuse to make him come to visit me.

which is always my favorite thing to do

sleeping around

as much as I would like to think that Charles and I have the perfect relationship,

I know that there is one very faulty piece.

it is a constant battle between us,

and one that i am refusing to give up on.

call it needy, call it annoying, call it smothering,

i dont care what you call it.

I am a cuddler, and a snuggler and

a want-to-be-right-next-to-you-all-nighter.

Charles is a not so cuddly giant, who wants his space in the bed;

untouched by his girlfriend.

my ideal sleeping arrangements: 

me halfway on my side and halfway on my stomach

with my left leg bent at the knee and resting on top of him.

here's the kicker: being 6'8", when my head is on his chest, my bent knee is in his crotch.

i get it, its probably not comfortable, but it is to me.

and what is more important than my beauty sleep?

i keep trying to tell him,

 he does NOT want to see me after a sleepless night

#uglygirlfriend #bitchygirlfriend #soontobesinglegirlfriend

so in order to combat my sleeping styles,

Charles- the ever so stubborn snoozer,

lays on his side. completely on his side.

he has to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door,

and prefers to be a right side sleeper.

so that means his back is to me.

his giant 6'8" hairy back has cut me off from all forms of snuggling.

and i. dont. like. it.

to start out, he always succumbs to my request,

but within 20 minutes is bored with me

and on his side he goes. BOO.

so multiple times throughout the night i wake up

and conversations go like this:

"baby. baby."whispering

*no answer*

"BABY!"yelling

"what??" in a grumbling sleepy voice

"come over here"back to whispering

and then he turns over and allows me to

drape myself over him again.

for 20 minutes maximum.

so this past weekend, at my mom's house,

we crawled in to our bed and

after 2 weeks of not seeing each other

i thought FOR SURE! he'll want to snuggle with me.

he didnt.

i pouted.

he told me i was dramatic.

i said DUH. have you met me?

and back to sleeping on the side of the bed

all by my lonesome i was.

i thought one of the perks of having a partner

was so that you didnt have to feel alone/rejected in bed anymore.

not.

Charles' cousin told me to just give up on it now,

because Stackhouse men are not cuddlers.

i refuse to waive the white flag on this one.

monday blues

monday mornings have never been my favorite, but especially this Monday morning. 

It is cold and dreary and rainy and muggy, and I woke up alone in my bed. 

Charles came to visit this past weekend and unfortunately had to leave me yesterday.

Which means its me and Violet, curled up in my queen sized bed,

missing one very sepcial 6'8" man to snuggle with us.

(Who am I kidding?  Vi is glad to have her bed back without a hairy giant in her spot)

thursday night started out just perfect.

i got home from work, finished up some cleaning

and started cooking- i am determined to prove that i CAN be domestic

(do you think he'll let me be a stay at home wife if I master his favorite recipes?)

but of course, nothing in our lives are easy so

just as I was putting this yummy mexican lasagna in the fridge to bake for Friday's dinner, 

I got a phone call "my truck broke down, I need you to come get me. I'm 90 miles outside of Atlanta"

my initial reaction was "quit joking, youre not as funny as you think"

which was quickly followed up by a "no, but for real. I'm in a state park in Crawfordville, GA"

So I threw on some yoga pants and poured my glass of red wine in to a tumbler

(sorry, mom. it was only half full!)

and hit the road.  all the way to crawfordville, where the closest stop light is 20 miles away

and the only reason this town exists is because Sweet Home Alabama was filmed there.

I would normally complain about this little wrench in our plans,

but all this meant was that I got to spend an extra hour and a half in the car with Charles

and that he had to get up with me early Friday morning and drive me to work. 

Which means he also had to come eat lunch with me

(trickery at its finest) 

Friday after work we chowed down on the lasagna that I prepared on Thursday

(complete with chips & queso and corona. perfect fiesta!)

 and then we hit the town. 

This is Charles' first time visiting me in Atlanta, even though I've lived here for 3 years now

so of course I had to bring him to all of my favorite bars, starting at Lost Dog. 

we gave him a tour of Buckhead which resulted in a lazy not-so-feel good saturday afternoon.

The original plan was for a fancy dinner at Chops Lobster Bar,

but with a broken transmission, a towing fee, a tire blowout and a rental car to get him back to SC,

I decided that I would throw Charles a bone and not make him take me out for a $200 dinner.

(worlds best girlfriend, yep. i know)

So Ornsby's it was.  With my favorite girlfriends. 

Come to think of it, Charles was the only male around all weekend,

surrounded by all of my pretty friends.

(worlds best girlfriend, again.)

We played a game of Clue,

became obsessed with Vine

got in a verbal altercation with a waitress

(ok, that was just me)

and ate the most amazing Pimento Cheese Fritters you've ever tasted

Saturday night was supposed to be spent out on the town with the girls again,

but instead I decided to take advantage of Charles' last night in town

So we watched a movie

(Country Strong, duh)

and slept. a lot of sleep.

Sunday we ventured to Marietta for a rainy day lunch with Bethany & Andrew

It was so nice to see them get along with Charles,

because they were not fans of the last bf, to say the very least.

(I see a big time bromance in our future, B)

Then 4:30 came.  The time we had decided that Charles would leave me.

It was pouring rain, we packed his bags and loaded the car

and I stood there and cried, just like out of a movie.

hair soaking wet, barefoot and makeup down my face.

(Only I don't have a hair & makeup team to make me look pretty while crying in the rain)

in conclusion, I hate goodbyes and I hate monday mornings

but I hate them even more when they leave me alone

without my favorite person.

there is no one else like you

a year ago today i was blindsided.  out of nowhere, my world was swept out from underneath me.  My faith, strength, trust and ability were all tested.  I thought my world was falling apart.  It was my very first heart break.  no one had ever broken down my walls before.  he was the one that convinced me that he was worth the risk. the one that I chose to bring home to meet my family, the guy that i pictured a life with, the person that consumed all of my time.  All of it went away with a quick and simple phone call.  followed by a million gallons of tears, a lot of late night weak/lonely moments and more arguments (internal and with each other) than i care to remember. 

it was a summer of back and forths. an early fall of "i want to, but i just cants".  months and months of "but i stills".  what seemed like an eternity of "please dont hate mes".  and then, thankfully, one October day the best thing that couldve ever happened to me, happened.  He told me he was dating someone.  don't get me wrong, at the time i thought it was the worst thing (second only to the break up), but in retrospect i realize that it was the exact opposite.  finally i was pissed. no longer sad and heartbroken, but outraged and disgusted.  That same October day, my 2 best friends gave me the exact words that i needed.  So exact, in fact, that i copied and pasted them in a text message and hit send without thinking twice.  i asked him to walk right out of my life and never look back.  i told him that i was better than him and he didnt deserve me.  all to which he agreed and obliged.  that was it.  from that point on (with the exception of a couple intoxicated texts from him) it was over. no more back and forths.

i thought that i would never find someone like him again.

Then, out of nowhere, i was blindsided again.  Only this time, instead of my world falling apart it was all falling together. i realized that the feelings i had for the last one were nothing in comparison to these feelings.  this was the person I had been in love with for years.  the man that i didnt just picture a life with, but the one that i WANTED a life with. any walls that i had built up to guard my heart from being broken were non existent. it was the easiest decision of my life. I am so thankful that I was right. I wouldn't ever find someone like him again. I found someone so very different.  i found the most respectful and respectable man, the one that fits me perfectly. the one that loves everything about me. he calls me on my shit, is comfortable with my family, knows exactly who i am and wants to take care of me forever.  I am so blessed to be with my very best friend, who is also my very best boyfriend. 

I am in constant amazement of how much can change in such a little time period.  One year ago today I thought my world was completely over.  Now i am realizing my world has just begun. 

one of my very favorite weekends

i traveled back to the great sate this past weekend,

for what would turn out to be one of the most magical weekends of my life.

one of my very best friends from college got married,

and i had the honor of standing next to her while she did it

youve never seen a wedding so beautiful (or big!)

every detail was meaningful.. there were special surprises,

like her 3rd grade class singing along to the the chorus of "you lift me up" with the soloist

there was a dress. THIS dress.

there were flowers and jewels,

a cake with charms that held fortunes for each bridesmaid,

tears and a lot of smiles

a couple of freak outs and last minute alterations to the lining of dresses

there was love. a whole lotta love.

there was dancing, and drinking and reuinting with far away friends

there was first-time-meetings of serious boyfriends

there was an amazing band and an even better assortment of cupcakes

it was the most spectacular wedding ever held.

Mary Katherine, Caleb (and Ms. Wanda) sure know how to put on a party.

This weekend was extra super special.

i not only got to watch one of my best friends marry her best friend,

but i got to spend the weekend with my best friend turned boyfriend.

yes, i said that. boyfriend. and a serious one at that. as in, the very last one.

i know you all have been wanting to hear this for 4 years, so here you go:

"you told me so" "you were right" "i should've listened to you"

pick your favorite :)

we spent a thursday night with my mom and Dennis,

a friday morning with my entire family in Ocean Lakes,

an unexpected saturday night together,

a wonderful all day on sunday with friends on the farm,

and a sad sunday evening saying goodbye for a couple of weeks.

all in all, it was one of my very favorite weekends

spent with all of my very favorite people.

and now, im back in the big city missing my small town

counting down until the end of the month

when i get to see my favorite boyfriend.

xoxo

the year of me

 cheers to 2013 starting off with a bang.

2012 was a great year. 

beyond great. 

I did a lot of self discovery. 

I found a couple of new cities that i adore.

I visited family and had reunions with my college friends.

I turned 25 (but don't get crazy, i still think im 22).

I fell in love and fell out of love.

Then i fell in love again,

but this time it was with myself and my best friends.

I am so grateful for the people in my life. 

2012 was the year of friends, for sure. 

That being said, 2013 is going to be the year of me.

I try to make a New Year's resolution every year. 

The past 3 years its been the exact same resolution...

and I've broken it by January 2nd every time 

This year, I'm going to try something a little different. 

instead of a 2013 resolution,

I've got Hopes for 2013. 

There's a whole list of them written in a journal that I've finally decided to break in

(a 2009 college graduation gift)

but the most important, all encompassing one is at the very top. 

To Find Passion. 

I want to find passion in all areas of my life this year. 

I want to be passionate about my work, my friends, my family,

my faith, philanthropy, health and even social life. 

This year I'm going to take risks. 

I want to be out of my comfort zone, and in unchartered territories. 

I hope that there are times when im terrified to take the next step.

and i pray that next step will be one in the right direction.

and if, in fact, its not in the right direction i hope that another path opens up.

because at this time next year,

 i hope to look back and say

"2013 was the best year yet".

daydreams and discovery

wan·der·lust: noun /ˈwändərˌləst

The strong desire for or impulse to travel

and explore the world,

to discover one's very existence.

if the old adage is true, that wherever your mind wanders is where you belong,

then i belong everywhere. all over the world.

i have daydreams of staring up at skyscrapers and the lights in cities that don't sleep

i imagine wheat fields and skies that house twinkling stars for miles.

i want to sell my car and take taxis everywhere

or drive an old pick up truck down dirt roads.

i want to wear the trendiest fashion, to brunch with my girlfriends

but blue jeans and cowboy boots with a baseball hat suits me just fine.

the idea of living in a place, where i am completely anonymous sounds appealing

and i love being where everyone knows your name.

i could to go Nashville. 

where the city is more of a small town with a large population. 

the boys are as country as they come, and so is the music scene.

its what the south is made of, with a little bit of tourist mixed in.

my days would be simple and my weekends spent riding horses and standing around fires.

I could live in Franklin and work in Nashville, doing what is TBD and a whoolleeee nother blog post

New York City sounds amazing, too.

if you could describe it in one word, it would be fabulous.

i realize that the overpriced everything and very small living spaces don't scream fabulous

but the fashion and fast paced lifestyle does.

the guys know style and would be a nice change of pace from my normal country boy type.

i can see myself standing on a street corner, hailing a cab with a great dress on under my trench coat.

"meet me at (insert favorite brunch spot here) on (insert numbered street here) in 30 minutes" would be a common phrase

Texas has appeal.

I love big hair, I love everything gaudy, and most of all I love cowboys.

Dallas encompasses all of these things and more.  Its a city, in a southern state.

Austin is bohemian and laid back. I could go to SXSW and wear braided headbands.

I could relish in the dry heat and kiss humidity induced frizzy hair goodbye

and there's Charleston.

so close to home, so gorgeous and yet so different from everything else in South Carolina.

cobblestone streets and accents that are all too familiar.

markets and authentic restaurants galore!

friends from high school, friends from college and the all-too-desirable classic fratty boy.

i seem to forget that there is an entire world out there, too.

i could to go Paris. I took 4 years of French

 (even though i don't remember anything more than j'adore dior)

a tropical island, where my tan would be glorious year round.

Spain is pretty, with the colors and music

Oh, those Italian men and that Australian accent.

im not sure what this upcoming year holds for me.

but i do think it holds a lot of change.

change within myself, change in my personal life, change in my professional life

and maybe even a change of scenery.

bring. it. on.